What Fresh Hell Is This??
A desperate journal entry entitled: “What Fresh Hell Is This?”
(or, “How I Spent My Morning”.)
This morning started off sluggishly. Our dog was killed yesterday, I was up until the wee hours of the morning and the baby woke up about 2389736893 times through the night. Then, our 4year old insisted that his tummy was SO HUNGRY this morning, so he ate and ate and ate.
I was trying to sneak in a quick shower when he came in and said, “MOM!” I stuck my head out of the shower curtain. “The food is NOT making my stomach feel better.”
He then proceeded to start vomiting. Projectile vomiting. Forcefully. So forcefully that it was coming out of his mouth AND his nose. Which hurt. And made him start screaming. And running around like a chicken with his head cut off. Still projectile vomiting.
So, there he is, running in circles around the bathroom, spewing unspeakable matter everywhere. Our own little Linda Blair .
Meanwhile the 18 month old is gleefully – no, maniacally – dancing in the growing puddles. I guess after being cooped up in the house so long he was glad to swim again. And indoor swimming pool no less.
Flash back to me in the shower (no pun intended) – still standing, peeking out of the shower curtain in horror. I briefly developed an escape plan that involved running without looking back, stopping in the nearest McDonald’s parking lot (45 minutes away, a safe distance) and using their wireless to post an ad on Criagslist. Something along the lines of: HOUSE FOR SALE. Appliances, 4 children and vomit included. Make offer.”
The only downside was that between the door and my position lie the growing lake of emesis. No way to escape without getting my feet dirty. So I figured that, if I was required to get at least that entrenched, I might as well finish the job. And thus my day began.